Shoddy

21 Mar

Wednesday night, I read my usual readings for the Bible reading plan I’m doing. In Deuteronomy, the Israelites were repeatedly commanded to love the LORD their God with all their heart, with all their soul, and with all their mind. That is a big command. The Israelites were to love God with every fiber of their being, with every breath, thought, and action they had throughout every day. It reminds me of Romans 12:1-2, where Paul talks about offering our bodies (and really, our lives) as living sacrifices to God.

The whole thing convicted me that right now, I’m not living like that. I don’t desire God, I don’t pursue Him, and I don’t seek to live every second of my life for His glory. It sorrows me. But it also brings me hope because I know that through the power of the Holy Spirit, I can get back to the place where I do desire God. I see how I have been being shoddy with God, giving Him my old couches instead of my best, as Pastor Rob Kelly says. I have let everything else in my life take prioirity over God. I have read the assigned readings mostly so that I could check them off my list, not out of a deep desire to know God deeper and more intimately.

So I am going to make a conscious decision to put God first. No more waiting until the last minute to read at night. No more putzing around on the Internet during my lunch break instead of reading. My heart and mind used to soak up knowledge like a sponge. Now it has gone numb through message boards and emails. I long for the days when my passion for God was so intense that I felt it in my soul. I always think of the heroes of the faith like Elisabeth Elliott, John Calvin, Darlene Deibler Rose and Oswald Chambers. How they desired the Lord! I want to desire the Lord like they do.

As I was praying Wednesday night, this song came into my head. This is my prayer for my soul and life right now:

Give me one pure and holy passion
Give me one magnificent obsession
Jesus, give me one glorious ambition for my life
To know and follow hard after You

Chorus:

To know and follow hard after You
To grow as Your disciple in the truth
This world is empty, pale, and poor
Compared to knowing You, my Lord
So lead me on and I will run after You
Lead me on and I will run after You

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