Willpower has a time limit

24 Apr

So today I had a day-long meeting with my Director, her Director, the Sales Manager, the used-to-be Marketing Manager (she just had a baby 2 months ago and is now part-time) and a Marketing Consultant. We were talking about our marketing strategy and budget–if where we’re putting our money right now is effective, what ways we can maximize our dollars, etc. It was very interesting and it gets me really excited to be in the marketing world. This is what I want to be doing.

There are times when I think about being involved in women’s ministry, writing my life story and speaking into girls’ lives as a profession. I hope to do that someday. But I love marketing. And really, I feel SO blessed to have my job and be doing what I really enjoy because to be honest, I didn’t think it would ever happen. When I got out of college and started looking for jobs, and then when I ended up with the job I did, I really thought that my career would never be what I wanted it to be. I struggled with that notion a lot last summer and prayed earnestly for God to give me a job that I loved and was good at when we moved to CO. And tada!! Look at His faithfulness. God is amazing.

Anyway, so I ate a big breakfast this morning (the equivalent of 3 servings of Honey Bunches of Oats and a grande light caramel frappucino from Starbuck’s) so that I wouldn’t get hungry during the meeting. Silly me, I thought that we wouldn’t have any food there. I thought that some people might bring snacks for themselves (and to “share”) but I brought my own snacks as well.

When I showed up at the church though (where the meeting was), my boss Carol Ann had a whole spread of food for us. There was fruit, chocolate, toasted wheat thins, goldfish, coffee, water, muffins. “Man, I shouldn’t have eaten such a big breakfast!” I thought as I walked in. But I resisted the temptation to eat anything. Not only was I full, I had eaten extra calories at breakfast to tide me over until at least snack time around 10:30.

Well, the first part of the meeting went well. Around 10:30, I had some strawberries, pineapple, blueberries, and 1/2 a banana. I also a few toasted wheat thins but I made sure that I was still hungry by the time we went out to lunch. I also drank about 3/4 of my Nalgene so I had to pee 3 times before lunch.

We went to lunch at Red Robin. I ordered water (not Diet Coke!) and the Asian Chicken Salad (not a burger!) I didn’t even eat any of the french fries that they brought out before our food. I was “being good” and holding out for my real meal. I ate my whole salad and the 2 pieces of flat bread that came with it. And then I had 1 french fry. Just one. Oh, the willpower.

But when we got back to the church, all hell broke loose. I had 6 little hershey candy bars, 3 handfuls of Reese’s pieces, a pull-and-peel Twizzler, and some more fruit. I wasn’t hungry and by the time I left, I was feeling sick from all the candy I had eaten. Yuck.

But I mean, there’s only so long that you can sit in front of chocolate, hearing it call your name and resist. Willpower has a time limit. I’m a ticking timebomb in front of sweets. As soon as the timer gets to zero (willpower), I explode and devour everything in sight. Ok, so maybe it isn’t that drastic. But I still went home today feeling like I was pregnant.

It’s days like this that remind me that I need to take care of my body and respect its needs. I can’t starve it and I can’t stuff it. My body has a happy medium and it’s my job to make sure that my body stays happily medium. When I overeat, I feel really gross and unhealthy and it really distracts me (because I keep beating myself up over my failure). When I undereat and count calories, I feel deprived and distracted as well (because then I can’t stop thinking about the next time I get to eat). So the good thing for me is to eat just enough and to treat myself within reason and not worry about the rest. I feel like taking care of my body frees me up to focus on more important things, like God, my marriage, and other people. So the health benefits are mental and spiritual as well as physical.

When I got back from the meeting, I didn’t have time to run 5 miles like I had planned before I had to go teach English. Plus, I was so sore from my weight training yesterday (it didn’t seem like my squats and lunges were that difficult…but then again, my legs did feel jello-y afterwards) that I didn’t know if I could run. And I was so tired that I didn’t want to run anyway.

So I didn’t run. I stretched a little and then took a nap. I really debated about calling Alma and telling her I didn’t feel well (“I have Adhesive Mattressitis”) but I didn’t. I went and taught and I’m glad. And then I redeemed my slacker-ness by grocery shopping and tidying our apartment so that Travis doesn’t come home to a pigsty. So today was an on-off-on day. Not so great for eating and exercising but alas, there IS more to life than that. And tomorrow is another day.

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