Finally, a revelation.

2 Apr

As I sat in bed last night, propped up by 2 pillows, my ESV Bible and journal on my lap, my NIV study Bible and the dictionary within reach, I was discouraged, confused and desperate as usual. Reading Romans 8:26-27 about how the Holy Spirit helps us pray, I felt my usual cynicism and doubt. Why didn’t I see the evidence of that power in my life? Why didn’t I feel the strength and empowerment of the Spirit like the Bible said believers do? I just feel so…ordinary. Like I always have.

I silently asked God when He was going to answer my prayers and give me some answers. Was He ever going to? I was beginning to lose hope. This has been the state of my heart for so long that it’s hard to remember a time I didn’t feel this way.

I wanted specifics. But there are no specifics in the Bible. And I realized that the reason for that is because God doesn’t care (ultimately) about the specifics, the circumstances, the situations, locations, details. He cares about attitude, character, and relationship.

I thought of 1 Thessalonians 5:16-24: “Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Do not quench the Spirit. Do not despise prophecies, but test everything; hold fast what is good. Abstain from every form of evil.”

But what really caught my eye was the next passage:

“Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it.

When I read the last part of verse 24, I started to cry. God was telling me, “Kathy, I will give you a revelation, I will lead you in a Christ-like life, but it will be in My way and in My timing.”

“Ok, ok, ok,” was all I could say as the tears rolled down my face.

I kept looking for specifics, for tangible examples, for the one unique purpose for my life to be revealed. But here’s the thing: maybe there isn’t one. Maybe God intends for me to glorify Him through a normal, everyday life. Maybe it’s my reactions, actions and attitudes that are supposed to be the radical thing about me, instead of my lifestyle.

I realized that instead of defining my life by what Christ has done for me, I have been defining my life by what I can do for Him.

And what I can do for Him will always be flawed, imperfect, incomplete, subpar. I can’t even live up to my own standards through my own efforts, much less live up to His. 

This lie snuck into my mind without my knowledge because I didn’t think I could earn salvation through works. But I thought that it was up to me to live the Christian life out. I am now in charge of what happens. Sure, God has an overall plan but I’m the one who has to execute it.

Galatians 3:3 could have been written to me: “Are you so foolish? Having begun by the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh?”

I had a conversation with God about this this morning.

“But God, I still want my life to matter,” I said.

“My child, it already matters. I was willing to send my only Son to die for you and your life,” God replied.

“But I still want to do big things for you.”

“I know, Kathy, I know you do. Just be patient. I’ll open the doors for you.”

“So what do I do in the meantime?”

“Live your life for me and for others.”

“What does that look like?”

“Draw close to me and you’ll see.”

He who calls you is faithful; He will surely do it.

3 Responses to “Finally, a revelation.”

  1. DeMo April 6, 2009 at 7:27 am #

    Wow. I have so many of your same feelings. I also feel like God is so silent, but I’m gradually learning that God is everywhere, I just have to be listening and looking for Him.
    “Live your life for me and for others.” Love that.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Can we give anything to Christ? « - April 6, 2009

    […] under God thoughts and tagged: God, life, Jesus, purpose, sin, failure, salvation In light of my revelation the other day, I found this article by John Piper (you can find it here and I have pasted it […]

  2. Faithful with the small things « - April 18, 2009

    […] the post following my aforementioned revelation, I typed out a conversation I had had with God that morning. […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: