Clarity

29 Oct

For about the past year and a half, I have been struggling with what I’m supposed to be doing with my life. I became totally discontent with living the typical American life but I had no idea what I was supposed to be doing differently. Little by little, God revealed the answer.

First, while I was reading The Purpose-Driven Life by Rick Warren, I realized that life is nothing if it’s lived without people. We were created for relationships, not only with God but with one another as well. It convicted me that I needed to think of others and their needs more, to pray for them more, and to worry about myself and my image less.

Kind of a spinoff of that, I began to struggle with the realization that the majority of my time each day was spent on things that were directly about me. It was all about me. I couldn’t believe that that was the way God wanted me to live my life. But again, what to do about it?

That led into my search for volunteer opportunities and a potential career change. I thought maybe I should be out there on the front lines, actually caring for the people in need so that I could really feel like I was making a difference. But somewhere deep down, I knew that wasn’t the answer. After all, I am working for a non-profit right now, one whose mission I totally align with. Back in college, I had thought about working for a non-profit because it seemed like that was a way to really contribute to something big than myself. I do believe that I am doing that with my current job.

Working at a youth ministry dedicated to mobilizing teens to reach their generation with the gospel, I have heard and learned a lot about evangelism–not just how to do it but the biblical basis for it. Matthew 28:19 should have been enough but as the president Greg shared story after story and bible verse after bible verse of calls to share our faith, I began to be really convicted.

That conviction was deepened through my personal study of the Word. I was going through Romans, which was written by the apostle Paul, whom some say was the greatest evangelist who ever lived. I will admit that his letters are inspiring for evangelism. Putting it all together, I came to the conclusion that if people are what make life worth living, and we’re called to share the gospel, then evangelism is the most meaningful way to live your life.

I didn’t want that to be the answer. Evangelism wasn’t an easy answer. It was actually the hardest one there could be for me. For many months, I ignored my conviction. I listened to my fears and self-preservation instead of being bold.

But I am back full circle to the same answer. That’s the only answer there is. Why am I here? To share the gospel. What am I supposed to be doing with my life? Sharing the gospel. If I am not doing something with eternal impact every single day, then what do I have to show for my life? At the end of it all, it will crumble. It will be burned up in the fire because only what is done for God’s glory and praise will remain.

So I am taking baby steps and moving forward into a lifestyle of evangelism. I shared the gospel with my elderly neighbor, Fern, on Tuesday night. I plan on engaging my neighbor Patty in a gospel conversation again next week. I am also pondering the thought of calling up the girls I know through Travis’ co-workers and asking them to have coffee or go shopping or something. I know that this is where God is leading me. And it has been a place that I have been fighting and fighting against with my life because it scares me. But I know that I will not and cannot be content with living the typical American life that takes no risks and never steps out. I need to live radically for Christ. That is where true joy and satisfaction are found. That is what I’m here for.

 

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