Grateful.

3 Apr

Travis and I just finished watching Julie & Julia. That’s a cute movie. And I love the movies that make me feel good about my own life when I’m done watching them.

While I don’t fancy ever boning a duck or cooking a whole chicken, the movie made me appreciate my husband and the partnership of marriage. Travis and I are coming up on our 3rd wedding anniversary in less than 2 months and I feel like we are just beginning to function as a team and I am really beginning to appreciate who Travis is. So far in our marriage, things have been pretty easy – we have had almost exactly the same schedule, same time off, same lifestyle. We didn’t have to put any effort into spending time with one another because we were very often home at the same time. That meant we didn’t put any effort into spending time with one another – I mean, not NO effort but very minimal. Some nights, we’d eat dinner together, but in front of the TV. Other nights, we’d go to the Rec together, but exercise separately. Or I would watch TV while Travis did homework in the office.

None of which is bad, necessarily. It just made it very easy for me to take Travis for granted (I won’t speak for how it affected him). Like Julia says in the movie, “Who has time to be married?” I feel like that has been my attitude a lot, which sounds horrible when presented like that. Why does my husband take back seat to other things – any thing? He should be my #1 priority here on earth. He is the love of my life, my partner, my support. He is always there for me when I need him. He takes thought for me, what I think, what I enjoy. And also like Julia said, “I don’t deserve him.” I really don’t.

But that’s the beauty of love – it’s undeserved. “Love conquers all.” “Love covers a multitude of sins.” “Love bears all things; believes all things; hopes all things; endures all things.” “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” “In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.”

The epitome of love is shown on the Cross – what a glorious thing to remember at Easter time. Christ endured the cross because He loved us. He loved me. Even when I don’t deserve anything good. Especially when I don’t deserve anything good. He died for me despite my not deserving it. He died so that by putting on His robe of righteousness, I don’t have to deserve it.

How often I get distracted from the true point of life. Not only in regards to eternal things, like salvation and sanctification, but also in regards to earthly things, like my husband. I’m so consumed with doing that I forget about being. I do the dishes instead of spending time with my husband. I rush out the door to some meeting instead of linger in prayer. I push Travis away when he comes to bed because cuddling will rob me of 15 minutes of sleep.

It wasn’t just the movie that made me realize all of this. It’s also the change in lifestyle/schedule with my new job and the upcoming month. Travis leaves Monday morning for 10 days in Little Rock. Then he’ll spend 4 days with me in Vegas (while I’m working a race), then he’ll head back to Little Rock for another 10 days. The anticipated separation has prompted me to take time to appreciate Travis – to kiss him, to say good morning, to hug him, to talk to him, ask him how his day was. Not that I didn’t do those things before, but I didn’t savor them like I do now. Then, I was often doing it to feel like a good wife and not a heartless person. I wasn’t taking time to love my husband, to remind myself of why I love him, to do the things I love to do with him, to tell him I loved him. I was taking him for granted. And we both lose in that situation.

But by the grace of God, I am seeing now where I have been going wrong AND I have the motivation and desire to fix it. I want my husband to feel appreciated. I want to support him, from the big things, like his getting a new job (after finding out that he’s being cut to 20 hours/week) to the small things, like helping him rake the yard (a task which I hate).

So right now, tonight, I am grateful. Grateful that I have a husband who loves me, even when I swing from being a cluster of emotions to feeling nothing. Grateful that I have a God who is faithful to show me the truth, whether hard or easy to accept, whether hard or easy to show. I am loved. And that is all that matters.

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