17 Jun

Physically, I had a splitting headache yesterday afternoon and evening. I had a hard time falling asleep, it hurt so bad. I tried drinking lots of fluids and taking aspirin but to no avail. Luckily, I woke up this morning feeling much better. I definitely need to drink more water, to prevent it from happening again.

Spiritually, this week I have been lethargic and indifferent. Getting in the Word has been on my “To-Do List” since Monday – yet, I just “checked it off” today (it’s not really something to be checked off but lately. I’ve had so much stuff running through my head that I want to get done, that I had to create a list. Getting in the Word was one of the things I wanted to do, but just hadn’t done. No excuses.)

This morning, I woke up with a desire to spend time with God. A devotion by Oswald Chambers led me into thinking about my life before I was a Christian and I was reminded of how different my life is from then, even when I don’t pursue the Lord. God continues to bless me, seemingly regardless of my commitment and devotion to Him. Even when I am faithless, He remains faithful. In church on Sunday, we sang “Jesus Paid It All.” The one lyric of that song that really gets to me is “Jesus died my soul to save.” Thinking about standing in front of God after my life here on earth and having that be my only claim, my only boast, humbles me in a very profound way. Despite anything I may accomplish here on earth (or in spite of the things I don’t accomplish here), despite anything I may boast in now, that will still be the only reason why I should be allowed into heaven. “Jesus died my soul to save.”

One of the huge blessings in my life lately has been my marriage. Back in April, Travis had 2 levee inspections lasting 10 days each, with a 5 day break in between. I was going to leave for Las Vegas for a race before he got back from the first and not return until he had left for the second. So we weren’t going to see each other for about 3 weeks straight. To Travis, that was unacceptable. To me, it was just part of my job. Travis was really bothered by my lack of concern and God used that to show me how I hadn’t been paying attention to or appreciating Travis – I was so consumed by my own issues and concerns that I was no longer caring for him.

Since then, our marriage has been amazing. My affection for Travis has increased something like 400% and our arguments have all but stopped. We still get on each other’s nerves at times but on the whole, we have a lot of fun together and are very much in love. The fourth year of marriage, so far, has been better than either of the first 3!

That has been unexpected one perk of my job – when we have days off together, we are intentional about spending time with each other. Memorial Day, we planted flowers and went biking. We go on walks together, play Scrabble, go shopping, and talk. It has been great!

I do miss the summer weekends with Travis – we have yet to go camping or hiking together and won’t get a chance until the end of July. But last summer, we had plenty of opportunities to go and didn’t take them – because our weekends together weren’t as precious as they are now.There’s definitely something to be said for spending some time apart (but not too much time!)

I have gone through such a range of emotions in 3 years of marriage that I know anything good that happens with Travis and me is from the Lord. He is the One who gives me love for my husband; who allows me to respect him, appreciate him, and enjoy him; who shows me when I am in the wrong and need to repent. I fail so miserably on my own that I can truly say I owe my marriage to God and Him alone. Despite my sinfulness and seeming determination to destroy a good thing, God continues to renew it and change it into something that glorifies Him.

I especially like the verse from “Jesus, My Only Hope” that goes:

Though I am poor and naked

Your prodigal come home

You place your robe upon me

Your holiness alone

Though I be dry and barren,

By grace this love springs forth

Love for you and your kingdom,

Joy in your glory Lord

Before I knew Christ, I was heartless and empty – and can still be that way when left to myself. But God, ever faithful and ever blessing, renews my heart and gives me affections, emotions – love for Himself, love for my husband, and joy in knowing Him.

What an amazing God!

2 Responses to “Renewed”

  1. Katie Stromwall June 20, 2010 at 5:31 pm #

    Oh, yay Kathy! My heart is happy reading this! I loved reading that your 4th year of marriage is so sweet and love hearing how God has been in the process of changing your mind and heart and seeing it lived out (even though I just read about it on the blog.) Glad to hear about you guys spending your day off together! Have you done anything really fun or different or unique to the two of you? I was also encouraged to hear that you are still able to see God’s massive faithfulness to you even in dry times when you feel you aren’t pursuing the Lord. How often do I feel I am in that place… and yet he still is there reminding me of all he’s done… and I think- how? How can he still want to remind me when I am thinking about everything but him? Ugh… the lopsided love of him to us just ruins me… just makes me want to sob such tears of thankfulness! Its so unbelievable!! I continue to enjoy learning from you and what you’re walking through, Kathy! Nick and I may come to CO some time over the next year or two because his bro goes to college at Boulder. We always talk about coming to see the Kluthes if we visit! You guys coming to MN at all this summer? Miss you, friend!

  2. specialkkluthe June 21, 2010 at 10:55 am #

    Thanks Katie! We haven’t done anything that different or unique but we have done some gardening, gone biking, and played Scrabble. I’m so pooped after working races on the weekends that I don’t have an excess of energy for anything crazy. I’m not going to make it to Minnesota at all this summer but if you come out to CO, you definitely have a place to stay!

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