Pursuing my dream.

1 Dec

I was talking with my good friend Cathy the other day about spiritual gifts and she asked me if I knew what mine was. I said that it might be writing, since I’ve had a passion for it since I was old enough to hold a pencil (correctly) and while I’m not the world’s greatest writer, God has given me some talent for it. Plus, I figure if God wants to use this passion/talent for the benefit of His church, who am I to tell Him not to? But He can’t use it if I don’t exercise it.

I haven’t been exercising it in any form beyond this blog because of several reasons. I tell myself writing isn’t practical – it’s very difficult to make money doing it. I tell myself that I don’t have time to write – I’m busy working full-time to make the money writing doesn’t provide. I tell myself that my ambition is stupid or selfish – who am I to think that anyone would want to read what I have to say? Why would anyone want to read about my life lessons? Sometimes I think my blogged thoughts drift out into a corner of cyberspace, just to end up covered in cobwebs, unread and untouched.

But the biggest reason why I haven’t pursued writing is because I don’t believe God would do anything with it. To be honest, I’m afraid of dreaming big and falling flat on my face. I mean, I could spend the better part of a year working on a manuscript that no one else ever reads. This dream of mine to be a published author could turn out to be just that – a dream – but not God’s plan for my life.

Then I hear this little voice in my head say, So what? So what if that’s what happens? Shouldn’t I be faithful with the gift God has given me? Don’t I think that my ruminations on life could benefit another Christian walking through the same thing, similar to (but much less than) the same way I benefit from other Christian authors? Why should I take this gift and hide it under a rock?

I’ve come to think that the answer is… I shouldn’t. And the only reason why I have hidden this gift is because I’m too scared to use it. In my aim to be realistic and hold my dreams with open hands, I’ve dropped them completely. I’ve given in to cynicism. “God won’t do that for me. It’s just not His plan for me to be a writer.” Says who? Says me, with my limited perspective on my life? It hasn’t happened so far, so that means it never will? Does that mean if I don’t have kids now, I never will? Of course not. So why would that apply to being a writer?

I also dream about working in the book publishing industry. It’s probably not surprising that a person who likes to write also likes to read. If I could spend every day, all day reading, I would. There are so many books I want to read! I would love to be involved in creating them, editing them, designing them, promoting them. I, unfortunately, live in the wrong part of the country for that career (another one of my excuses for not pursuing that dream). Most of the jobs are in Chicago or New York. There are some jobs here in Denver but they are few and far between, and usually in the departments I have no experience with or desire for.

But I have to admit that they do exist and this past Monday, I saw an opening for a Book Content Editor at a company that publishes books and articles about crafts, with an emphasis on knitting. Now, I don’t know even the first thing about knitting (ok, well maybe I do know that you need a needle and yarn…but beyond that, I’m clueless) and having an extensive knowledge of knitting was a requirement in the job description. Even though I felt I was very well-suited based on the other requirements, the lack of that one requirement would have been enough for me to say “Well, I don’t have any knowledge of knitting so I’m not qualified. Delete.” But this time, I thought “I can totally do this job!” If I want to work in the publishing industry so badly, why not go for it? So I sent in my resume. And even if nothing comes of it, it’s the act of pursuing what I really want to do that is liberating. And not just the act of pursuing, but also the believing that God can make something of it. God is a God of possibility, of opportunity, of potential. And even if only nobody else ever reads my writing in the history of the world, at least I can say that I used it faithfully.

Now, if only I could find the time to write…

One Response to “Pursuing my dream.”

  1. Kellie December 1, 2010 at 6:52 pm #

    Your words are not caught in a cobweb. I’ve just read them. Keep writing; it’s the journey not the destination. Just write because you enjoy it, because you have a talent for it. What comes of it is in God’s hands – just do the work, and don’t worry about the rest.

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