I honestly thought that I’d have no problem weaning Emma once she got close to a year old. I mean, think of the freedom! No longer would I have to be the one getting up at 5:30 am to feed Emma. Or staying up until she goes to bed. Or missing out on time with friends because I have to go nurse her in a different room (the nursing cover was given up on a LONG time ago). Or interrupting my work day to go pump in a room with as many as 6 other women (yes.).
I could start wearing regular bras again.
I wouldn’t have to tailor my wardrobe to what’s easiest to nurse in.
Oh and did I mention not having to pump anymore?
I’ve been thinking fairly seriously about weaning because I don’t really produce that much milk anymore. I pump twice a day at work and get 2-3 ounces each time. I’m guessing that Emma gets maybe 3-4 ounces when she nurses. I hate the thought of nursing and giving a bottle for each feeding, so I’ve just been nursing her on a 3-hour schedule still, plus 3 meals of solid foods a day. Before bedtime, I give Emma a 4-5 ounce bottle of formula, and then nurse her.
Emma seems content and is growing well, so I guess what we’re doing works. But then I think it would be so much easier and simpler to just be done with nursing. My goal was only to make it to a year anyway, because then Emma can have cow’s milk and not need expensive formula.
Faced with the actual reality of not nursing anymore, though, I realized that I’m not ready to give it up. I can’t put my finger on why but I just can’t get myself to pull the trigger. Part of it is that bottles are a lot more work – to make, clean, store, warm. Nursing is convenient. Emma has also stopped pulling off as much to look around and inspect things, so it’s less frustrating.
But I think most of it is that nursing is my bonding time with Emma. She’s never been a cuddler – these days, she barely wants to be held at all. She’s on the move! So nursing is a special thing.
Side note: The other night, Emma woke up and had a bad cough. She didn’t want to lay in my arms like usual, so I held her upright against me and she leaned her head on my chest – she hasn’t done that since she learned to hold her head up! It was 2 a.m. but I was in HEAVEN.
A day will come, though, when Emma no longer needs – or wants – to nurse. Then it will be on to the next stage in our relationship.
But that day is not today.