Tag Archives: priorities

Par for the Course

18 Aug

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Travis and I joined the projection team at church recently as leader/co-leader and fellow projectioneers. (I just made that word up.) Having a responsibility on Sunday morning again (we worked in the toddler room until I took the job with Your Cause Sports in January of 2010) has brought into sharp focus how much church we will be missing over the course of the next month and a half, as well as how uncharacteristically busy we’ve been this summer. When we first moved out to Colorado, we hardly ever had weekend plans. Now, we hardly ever don’t. Since I’ve been reminiscing on everything we’ve done since June and are still planning on doing before November, I thought I’d share it with you.

June 4-5: Boulder Sunrise Sprint Tri

June 11-12: Greeley Sprint Tri (missed church)

June 18-19: Visited our friends, Jon and Chasta, in Divide, Colorado

June 25-26: OPEN WEEKEND! That’s shocking.

July 2-4: Got my butt kicked Backpacked on the Eaglesmere Trail near Silverthorne (missed church)

July 9-10: Ran 5 mile trail run in Evergreen, hosted care group BBQ

July 16-17: Birthday weekend! Dinner, bowling and ice cream Friday; Bike ride from Frisco to Breckenridge, BBQ and Rockies game Saturday

July 23-24: Arrived in Minnesota on Saturday; Day of relaxation Sunday! (missed church)

July 30-31: Cousins wedding on Saturday; Drove back to Colorado on Sunday (missed church)

August 5-7: Care Group camping trip near Twin Lakes, Colorado (missed church)

August 13-14: Helped friends move on Saturday

August 20-21: Warrior Dash at Copper Mountain (will miss church)

August 27-28: Steamboat Springs Olympic Triathlon (will miss church)

September 2-5: Going to visit our good friends, Mark and Sarah Norman, in Charlotte for the first time in FOUR years! (will hopefully go to church with them, but will miss our church)

September 10-11: OPEN WEEKEND! I am going to do NOTHING this weekend (except maybe eat). Travis will be antelope hunting.

September 17-18: Crescent Moon Sprint Tri (and potentially my parents in town)

September 24-25: OPEN WEEKEND! (I think…)

October 1-2: Cousin’s wedding in Minnesota (flying back this time! will miss church)

October 8-9: Denver Rock ‘n’ Roll Half Marathon Relay (will miss church)

October 15-16: Travis’ family in town for elk season (will miss church)

October 27-28: OPEN WEEKEND!

Before we know it, it’ll be November! I am seriously putting my foot down on doing anything in November. I will make absolutely no plans for anything (unless it’s for my mom coming out to visit). I don’t want to go anywhere for Thanksgiving. Heck, I don’t even care if we celebrate. I am SO DONE with being busy, it’s ridiculous.

There are some people who wouldn’t bat an eye at this kind of schedule. And I have to admit that most of this was my own doing (see how many races I have on the calendar – the most I’ve done in a year ever!!) and all of it is fun stuff. But even when we only have something going on one day out of the weekend, the other day is spent catching up on laundry, dishes, cleaning, grocery shopping, fitting in workouts, and diminishing all the piles of crap that seem to magically accumulate during the week.

I have amazingly not had a meltdown through all of this (I am not a person who has historically handled busyness very well) but I can tell that I’m on the precipice because I keep daydreaming and fantasizing about laying on the couch, pretending to be sick so I don’t have to go to work, cancelling plans with friends, rejecting party invitations, having no social life, and sleeping beautiful 70 degree days away in my swamp-cooled house. The simple truth:

I need a break!!

I am counting down the days (22!!) to my open weekend on September 10-11. It will seriously be awesome.

Weekly Recap: 8/08 – 8/14

15 Aug

Somehow, even with the impressive workout shuffling I did last week, I managed to log 5 hours and 45 minutes of training, burning 2,825 calories. Not too shabby.

Obstacles to Sleep #1 and #2

Monday: 19.8 mile bike (1:12:24)

Tuesday: 3.91 mile run (47:45), abs + upper body

I took the dogs on a 1.5 mile run, then went to the Rec and did a treadmill workout for the rest, which involved alternating a fast walk (4.5 mph) on an incline (4.5) with a run (6.0) on less of an incline (2.0). It’s a good workout! I ended with a 1-minute sprint at 7.5 mph – an 8:00 min mile pace! Fast for me! AND I finished it all off with 30 man push-ups (3 sets of 10). I was a good sore the next day.

Wednesday: 2 mile walk with pooches

Thursday: 13.5 mile bike (58:20)

This was my bike home from work and I finally didn’t take any wrong turns! I did, however, have a close encounter with the bike police. (Eep.) This was also my fastest pace on my bike to/from work route: 13.9 mph. Hey, there’s a LOT of hills. I think my getting up to 40 mph down Simms helped my overall speed a bit.

Friday: 14.4 mile bike (1:15:13)

This was more on par with my normal speed (11.5) going to/from work – distance was longer because I missed my turn (again!) and speed was slower because of those blasted hills! But the hills are precisely why this route is good preparation for the Steamboat Springs Oly Tri. I fear the bike course is going to be all downhill on the way out and all uphill on the way back.

Saturday: 7 hours of moving, 2 mile walk with pooches

We helped our friends, James and Cathy, move from their 3rd floor apartment to a house. I was exhausted by the end of the day (and sweating like a man-beast) and ran out of time for any workout because I went to church for a ladies’ night of Bunko!

Sunday: 1,750 yd open water swim (47:52), 4 mile run (45:33)

I was very sore from moving on Saturday – specifically my quads (from making 40 trips up and down those stairs!) and my biceps (from all that man-handling). I had pushed this open water swim from Thursday to Friday to Saturday to Sunday. And I still debated skipping it. But I’m glad I went.

I discovered the real reason why I don’t like doing the breaststroke in a full-body wetsuit: it’s hard to bend my knees. As the knees are crucial in forward propulsion, it’s no wonder why I always felt like I was flailing like I did in the Boulder Sunrise. Even though I still don’t like swimming the breaststroke in a wetsuit, I think it’s a better option than braving water with temperatures in the upper 60s sans-wetsuit. (I am hoping to get up to Steamboat in time to do a test run on Saturday without a wetsuit, to see if I can handle it. Then I’ll make a game time.)

The 4 mile run afterward was done at a comfortable pace. I think my goal pace for the Oly run will be 11:00 min/mile (though really, I’ll be shooting for 10:00s).

Weekly Total:

Swim: 1,750 yards

Bike: 49.7 miles (woot!)

Run: 7.91 miles

Walk: 4 miles

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My decision to train at night and get in the Word in the morning has, so far, worked out very well for me. I keep telling myself, Only 2 more weeks! Then I can drop down to 3-4 workouts a week. Even though I have been training since the end of March, it wasn’t until the week before I went to Minnesota (4 weeks ago now!) that I started feeling very drained emotionally/mentally. I am actually impressed that I made it this long without feeling burnt out. But now, I just want some time to relax already!

Anyway, I’ve been doing good about spending time with God during the week and yesterday, I was looking forward to getting in the Word and reading a lot. Twenty minutes in, though, I knew it was useless and took a nap instead. That is going to be one of my main focuses (foci? 🙂 ) for this week and especially next week (taper time!): SLEEP. I’m hoping to go to bed at 8 and get up at 6. Mmmm… sleep. I’m going to need to do something about our dogs – they like to wake up at 4 am to pee and then again at 5:30  to eat everyday. Maybe I should tranquilize them? (Just kidding.) But seriously, I will have no qualms about locking them in the laundry room so that I can sleep more next week. It’s just for a week. And they’re really annoying.

But oh, so adorable.

Weekly Recap: 8/01 – 8/07

8 Aug

Between returning from Minnesota, going camping this past weekend at Twin Lakes near Buena Vista and being ridiculously tired and worn out, both physically and mentally, my training last week wasn’t the greatest. But at least I did something, right?

Monday: Rest

I did laundry, dishes and grocery shopping instead of training.

Tuesday: 7.5 mile bike (22:00), 1 mile run (12:46), abs + pushups

I had hoped this would be a 7.5 mile bike + 3 mile run x 2 but we got to the Rec late and I ended up getting acid reflux from the spaghetti I ate for dinner. 😦 So I ran/walked a mile before deciding to do abs and pushups instead. (I did the bike ride on a Spinning bike, hence the 20 mph pace.) My arms and core were sore the next day so at least there’s that!

Wednesday: 7 mile run (1:23:22, 11:36/mile)

This is the only workout from last week that I am proud of. I was a little nervous trying for 7 miles after taking an entire week off from running. It was also 75 degrees and humid (for CO) that day, which I definitely felt during this run. My legs were very tired and sore by the end but I continued to push it, partly out of fear that I will have to run 6 miles during the race after biking 25 and swimming 1!

Thursday: Rest

I was just so wiped after work and knew that I would have to pack for camping too, that I decided to watch 2 episodes of Drop Dead Diva instead of doing a bike ride. Though I felt kind of guilty, this was the first workout that I intentionally blew off since I started training back in March. Not too shabby, if I say so myself.

Friday: 1,750 yd swim

I timed myself on 825 yards (750 meters) during this swim, to get an idea of what my goal should be during the race. The 825 yards took me 21:20 so I think my stretch goal for the swim will be 43 minutes, realistic goal 45 minutes (the Oly swim distance is 1500 m).

Saturday: Rest

I went on a hike stroll with friends from church and then went swimming in the lake.

Sunday: Rest

We went on another easy hike on Sunday, but I didn’t get out of breath or break a sweat at all so to me, that is more of a stroll in beautiful scenery than a hike. But it was still enjoyable! (Photos to come soon!)

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I have decided to ditch my idea of getting up at 4:30 to get in the Word and train before work. Instead, I am going to spend time with God in the morning and train at night. And if the weather doesn’t cooperate or the pool is overrun by the swim team? Suck it up cupcake. I am really enjoying the more leisurely mornings. And because we are approaching fall, sunrise isn’t until 6 am now, which would make my outdoor workouts start later than they’d really need to for me to make it to work on time. So evening workouts it is.

With that, I’ll leave you with this creative representation of my day at work:

Happy Monday readers!

Weekly Recap: 7/18 – 7/31

3 Aug

The Jungle That Was Our Lawn

With everything unpacked; laundry washed, folded and put away; our garden harvested (lots of spinach, sage, snap peas and a 16-inch zucchini!); and the dishes done, I feel like have a handle on getting back into the swing of things. I even did a brick last night but it was cut short by acid reflux from eating pasta with spaghetti sauce (a notorious offender).

I don’t know how I manage to do it but I always come back exhausted from vacation (this time, I think the culprit was the short night after a wedding followed by 14 hour car ride.) So catching up on sleep is going to take a little bit longer, since I am staying up later than I would normally to get all the aforementioned tasks accomplished after work.

With that, here is my training recap for the past two weeks:

Monday 7/18: 15.35 mile bike (59:52), 3 mile run (28:38)

I did this brick with Travis at the Rec in the evening and totally rocked the run again! (It’s so much easier to run inside on a flat surface!)

Tuesday: Lower body weights, 2000 yd swim

Another evening workout. Did 2 x 15 of squats, lunges and calf raises, then went to the pool. Did 1 x 200 (fs), 1 x 400 (fs), 1 x 800 (bs), 1 x 400 (fs), 1 x 200 (bs). Right foot started cramping up during 2nd 400.

Wednesday: 6.05 mile run (1:10:29 in 85 degree heat!)

I took my Camelbak and went easy because of the heat. It was cloudy for the first half of the run and rained a bit, which helped a lot. This run was actually mostly pleasant, despite the heat.

Thursday: 14.25 mile bike (1:05:40)

Bike home from work – even though it’s slightly easier than the way there, there are still plenty of hills on the way home. My average heart rate was 152.

Friday: 14.6 mile bike (1:14:42)

Bike back to work – because the afternoon weather has been iffy in Colorado for the past several weeks due to monsoon season but the morning weather is almost 100% nice and sunny, I decided that it was safer to bike home one day and then bike back the next morning, instead of trying to do both in one day. That way, if there was an afternoon storm, I could just drive home instead of biking or having Travis come pick me up.  My average heart rate during this ride was 147. The mileage is a little longer than the ride home because I took a wrong turn. Whoops.

Saturday: Rest day

Sunday: 2.19 mile run (23:14)

I did this run on the county roads near Nevis, MN. While my legs felt great and I was optimistic for something more like 5-6 miles, the deer and horse flies were horrible. I turned around after a mile to see if they would get better the other way but they didn’t, so I called it quits. Boo.

Monday 7/25: Rest day

Tuesday: 10 minutes of waterskiing (arms and upper back!), 500-600 yd swim

My upper back was so sore from waterskiing. Waterskiing has to be one of the best workouts around because it saps your energy in about 15 minutes.

Wednesday: Paddle boating (legs), Canoeing (arms and core)

I noticed that I had more strength for these activities than I have had in the past, so that was exciting.

Yes, that is 4 dogs on a paddle boat…

…and 2 dogs in a canoe. They are seriously attached to us. (More on that in another post.)

Thursday: 15-20 minutes of tubing (arms!)

I told my dad that he had to treat me like a 5-year-old because I didn’t want to get flung off the tube going 25 mph. (You may say that’s part of the fun but after taking a really bad spill a few years ago, I’m so over them.) We found a happy medium going somewhat fast around the turns, but then slowing down for the waves. It’s the combination of going fast and going over waves that’s the doozy (and has the most potential for making you fly off).

Friday: Rest day

Saturday: Rest day

Sunday: Rest day

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While I enjoyed my week-long break from training, I am excited to get back into it. Last night, I was actually looking forward to a bike ride but then we got ready later than we should have, and the sky was really dark. So we ended up going to the Rec (after I threw a frustration party for 1). I just feel better when I am active.

Something that I’ve been thinking about for several weeks now and has come to a head with returning from vacation is that my time with God has really been taking back seat to training. I’ve thought about switching to night workouts but the weather here is so unreliable and warm at night (whereas it’s pretty dependable and cool in the morning) and the swim team takes up almost the entire pool at night. Plus, I really just enjoy morning workouts more.

But it’s the same thing with time with God — I’ve tried to do it during lunch but can’t concentrate sufficiently. I’ve thought about doing it at night before I go to bed but I have very little motivation and would rather just read an entertaining book instead of think deep thoughts.

These are the options I have:

1)      Get in the Word in the morning and train at night. (lunch doesn’t work because of the heat)

2)      Train in the morning and get in the Word during lunch or at night.

3)      Get in the Word in the morning and break training up into 2-a-days, morning and night.

4)      Get up early to get in the Word and train in the morning before leaving at 8:30 for work.

I am leaning toward getting up earlier to do both in the morning. My wakeup call would be at 4:30. Even as I type this, though, I’m debating. It’s so hard to stick to a bedtime like 8:30 when you have a husband and church activities during the week.

What I would really like is a 5th option: Get in the Word and train in the morning, go into work at 10:30. 🙂

How do you fit your training in among your other priorities?

Which option would you choose, if you were me?

Priorities

2 Mar

Like I posted a week or so ago, I created a schedule to organize my free time. Days upon days of having nothing that I have to do are piling up and I want to put them to good use, as well as make sure that I’m not neglecting anything that I should be doing (like editing the curriculum I volunteered for) in order to the things that I’d rather be doing (like reading and working on my book). The interviews I had on Friday and Monday kind of messed up my schedule but I’m slowly getting back on track.

[Side note: Both interviews went fairly well but I heard back from the one on Friday already – they went with someone else. The company I interviewed with on Monday is doing more interviews this week and next week and then are going to call people back in for 2nd interviews. So while I wait, I’m going to get back into the unemployed groove.]

While my free time schedule addresses the big things related to my career goals, it doesn’t address everyday things, like exercise, food, time with the hubby, etc. I have more things that I want to get done in a day than I can possibly do. After I found out about my rejection on Monday, I took Katy on a walk and was telling God that I wasn’t as excited about writing as I had been before the interviews because I felt slightly overwhelmed with all the ambitions I had. Getting a job would have given me an excuse to not achieve those ambitions – at least, not any time soon. Now that at least one job was out of the picture, all those ambitions came screaming back and I felt like I had to scramble into productivity or else something bad would happen.

Then I remembered something that Gary and Betsy Ricucci, the couple who presented the marriage conference at our church, said. Betsy seemed to be a lot like me, with her to-do lists and efficiency mode. She also seemed to me like me in that her ambitions often overwhelmed her. Whenever she got frazzled, Gary would ask her, “Betsy, do you really believe that God has given you more to do than you can handle?” Of course, the answer was no.

As I asked myself that question, and discovered with a joyful heart that indeed the answer was no, I was overwhelmed with God’s goodness. He doesn’t expect more from me than He knows I can give. He is utterly realistic about what I am capable of. And He will accomplish His purposes even with my meager efforts. For the rest of our walk, I felt like I was walking on air.

So how do I decide what to do everyday? Part of it is taking each day one task at a time. If there’s something I know needs to be done, and I’m at a good spot to do it, I do it then and don’t worry about what will come next until I have to. Then I take enough time between tasks to ask both God and myself, what is the next most important task or thing to do? Sometimes it’s just reading a book. Other times, it’s finishing that project I’ve been putting off for weeks.

But the main way I decide what I should do with my time is my priorities. I start with the most important and go on down the line, so if some things don’t get done in a day, they weren’t the most important ones anyway. So here are my priorities:

1. God.

The first thing I do every morning is spend time with God through reading the Bible and praying. God is my greatest good and He deserves to get my first attention every day. My desire to know God more also influences my other priorities, in that they are bound up in pleasing and obeying God, as well as wanting my time to be well spent.

2. Husband.

Over the past couple of weeks, God has really convicted me of my role as a wife – not only in the context of submission, but also in serving my husband. This priority has many implications. I make an intentional effort to provide Travis with lunches and have dinner ready when he gets home (or at least be ready to start it). I also am making exercise and eating right a priority because I see how the way I feel about myself physically affects how much I want to be close to Travis – and since physical touch is his main love language, I am loving Travis by taking care of myself. Additionally, I keep up on laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning, dishes, and different errands for Travis.

3. Fellowship.

God has also convicted me that relationships with other believers aren’t just nice – they’re necessary. So I try to be intentional about getting together for coffee with a couple ladies every week, to talk about God and encourage one another. I also make it of utmost priority to attend our weekly care group and women’s meetings, as well as my women’s book study once a month.

4. Friendships.

Travis and I are trying to be more intentional with inviting our friends (believing and unbelieving) as well as people we would like to get to know out to dinner, either at our house or out. We are getting better at this but still have a lot of improvement we can make.

5. Writing.

I feel like this time in my life, sans job, is a very unique opportunity I have to pursue my dream of being a writer. So I’m taking it seriously and may need to cull some lower priorities in order to devote more time to this than I currently am. This also involves blogging, because the book project is very long, and not so much writing down my current thoughts as sifting through old ones.

6. Jobs.

Even though the unemployment office probably will never check how many jobs I apply for because they’re so backed up, I want to be honest about how many jobs I apply for. So I am trying to keep up with the quota of 5 a week – although that is definitely easier said than done, mostly because there aren’t that many jobs out there in a particular field.

7. Editing curriculum.

I’m not totally convinced that I want to continue with this volunteer opportunity. But I am committed to what I have right now, so I do need to keep working on it.

8. Everything else.

There are definitely times and places for fun – like going to a used bookstore (which Travis and I did last weekend), shopping at an antique mall or thrift store, going hiking, watching TV, painting my nails, doing crafts and other projects, etc. The best approach to these is do them with someone else, so that I’m growing my friendships while also doing things I enjoy. 😉

So there you have it folks – what my life looks like right now.

 

Defeated.

29 Mar

I apologize ahead of time for the jumbled mess I expect this post to be. I have a lot going through my mind.

Travis is frustrated with my job. It makes me feel like he’s frustrated with me, since I’m the one with the job that is frustrating him.

I don’t handle his frustration well. To me, the things he is frustrated over aren’t that big of a deal. So we have to add a shelf to the garage to store my equipment. So we can’t park the Pathfinder in the garage for 2 days because I need the Sequoia in there, to keep the $50K worth of equipment safe. So what?

The ways we’re different usually complement each other – he’s good at things I’m not good at and vice versa and it works out well for both of us. This is one of those instances, though, that the ways we’re different divide us and cause misunderstandings like there’s no tomorrow. I am not a question asker. Some people are just naturally inquisitive – they look at the sky and instead of saying “The sky is blue,” they ask “Why is the sky blue?” I am the person who states; Travis is the person who asks.

So when circumstances in my job have been different than what we expected – say, having to store equipment at our house or my having to be gone for an entire week for our races or my receiving $3K less than I had originally heard from D – I accept them as fact. I need to have the equipment at our house because I’ll be using it every weekend. I have to be gone for an entire week because they need me on site for race coordination. It’s ok to be paid a little less because money isn’t my priority and I will have a job I like.

I suspect that all of the unexpected things are making the expected things even harder for Travis to bear – things like my being gone most weekends during the summer, my having to work more than 40 hours a week, and my having to be available 24/7. He’s been making little comments here and there since I took this job and I didn’t realize how much or why they were upsetting me until today. He passes them off as jokes or “stating the facts” – but I know him well enough to know that they are neither. He is voicing his frustration indirectly. And because his frustration is caused by my job, I feel like I am the source of his frustration.

Travis told me tonight that he feels like this job is asking for a lot of sacrifices from me and not giving anything back. Just a few minutes ago, he walked into the bedroom and asked if I was working, since he saw me on my laptop. When I don’t exercise one day, it’s because this job is taking over my life. When I don’t cook dinner, it’s because of the job. When I answer the phone at 7 AM, I’m working too hard. When I check email on a Saturday morning, I’m becoming obsessed. When I can’t run an errand one day during normal work hours, the job is too demanding. When I am still working when Travis gets home from class, the job is asking too much. When I have to park the work car in the garage and the Pathfinder has to go on the street, it’s absolutely ridiculous what my job asks of me.

I agree that this job has come with a lot more sacrifices than my previous one. But we knew that before I took the job and I feel like my hands are tied on a lot of this. I guess that is precisely the mentality that is causing this distress between us. I view these changes as necessary to the job – this is what the job is calling for, and therefore, what I have to do. If I want the job, I have to do it this way. Duty calls, so to speak. So when changes come up, I accept them as fact, before consulting Travis – because in my view, these aren’t negotiable. They are what they are. If there is equipment to store in my garage, I will store the equipment in my garage.

Travis, on the other hand, views these changes as negotiable. Everything is negotiable to him. Well, maybe they are when you think to ask questions and dive into specifics on the spot, right at the time the decision is being made. But when you’re like me, and you’ve already agreed to things without asking questions, it’s a little harder to put your foot down. To sum it up, I commit without asking and Travis gets mad.

I can understand why he’s mad, in some ways. He is the man of the household and as much as my feminist girlpower independent rebel wants to come out and say “Screw him, he can get over it, I can make my own freakin’ decisions,” I want to be a godly woman in this situation. I want to submit to my husband and to respect his emotions, because they are real. I can see that my not consulting Travis could feel, to him, like I am disrespecting him and not caring what he thinks about anything. That is totally not my intention. I do care what he thinks – I just haven’t consulted him because I didn’t think there was anything to discuss.

I feel defeated by Travis, by my job, by life. “Ok, you got me to feel like crap. Happy?” I feel like Travis isholding everything he’s frustrated by against me – that he is no longer frustrated by my job – he is frustrated by ME. That when he looks at me, he sees the source of his frustration. That everything I do proves his point. I asked him tonight if he wants me to quit. He hesitated and then said “No” in a tone that said “Of course not, how could you possibly think that?” But I don’t buy it. I think that was a lie.

Which makes me wonder many questions. What is so different about this job than any other? Why does Travis care so much? Is he worried about our marriage? Did he not want me to take the job in the first place? Is he jealous for some reason? Does he not like me traveling? Why are these such big sacrifices for him? Is he scared that I’ll end up working and doing nothing else? Does he not trust me? Is he mad at me for something I don’t know about? Is he bitter at me for accepting the job without talking about it with him again? Why can’t he forgive me for that? What can I do to make things better? Am I unknowingly making things worse?

I do know one thing though – if things in our marriage don’t improve, I will seriously consider quitting this job. I am committed to my husband and he has to be my number 1 priority. Even if I really like this job and think that Travis is being unreasonable, if this causes too much strain on our marriage, the job isn’t worth it.

I also know that without Travis’ support behind me (which I don’t feel like I have right now), being gone and having such weird hours is going to be really hard – perhaps unbearable. I don’t want our marriage to suffer because of this – if I had thought it would when I was offered the job, I would not have accepted it. I thought that a little time apart would be good for me and Travis, since we’ve had oodles of time together since we’ve been married. But if Travis isn’t supportive of this job, it isn’t going to be good for our marriage.

All of this uncertainty, stress and struggle also makes me wonder, if this is the way things are going to be, why did God lead me down this path if this is what was in store for us? Why let me change jobs if this was going to be the result all along? Why this?

To which I know God replies, “Trust Me.”